Saturday, October 26, 2019

Stay Fucking Calm

A few months ago as I was tidying the house, I found this GOALS!!! list that my Millennial daughter (Monica) had written down. I found myself laughing out loud and then getting a little teary-eyed.

I laughed because of how her goals shift from the shallow (e.g., "Make tea!") to the deep (e.g., "Take notes for THOTS" [although I'm not sure what THOTS is, I think it has something to do with her creative writing pursuits]), along with specificity about a task (e.g., "Grab a trash bag") that reflects her past frustrations of going to do a task (e.g., "Clean out car") without first gathering a trash bag. The list also contains commentary that helps brace herself for potential disappointment (e.g., "Find headphones (not realistic)"). The pressures to clear shallow work so that she can make time for deep work resonates with me.

I got teary-eyed because she includes "Tweet something" on her list. The sometimes frantic pressure to keep up with things like Twitter also resonates with me ... as I think we all wonder whether keeping up in that regard is REALLY important or just has a faux sheen of importance.

The "Stay fucking calm" bullet point is what gets me the most. As a young woman trying to make her way in the world, I'm sure Monica is frequently visited by EGO, which can lead to doubt, fear, and panic. As her mother, I too find myself saying "Stay fucking calm" especially when I feel my EGO revving up, causing my psyche to compare myself to others, which always results in a hot mess.

Currently, I find myself flailing to try and feel a purpose that is in concert with this season of my life as mother of two adults (who used to be babies). Is it to enjoy life? Is it to show off stuff that I can do? Is it to learn? Is it to teach? Is it to make more money? Is it to spend money?

In terms of my children, I want my purpose mainly to be a black belt listener for them. To provide space so they can share ideas from the shallow to the deep, where I can remind them that the most important work in either end of the pool is to remember to breathe in, breathe out. And by doing so, to stay fucking calm.

PS: Many thanks to Monica for giving me permission to publish her GOALS!!! list.

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